Every Journey Matters -By an anonymous writer

 

The journey of my life came to a serious turning point if I take into account events that happened in the recent past. I can say this with conviction that it changed my life, the way I perceive things, the way I think and the way I make my choices. Some are short turning points in life that come and go and we barely notice such changes, whereas some are massive changes, that actually turn your direction towards another side and then you have to carefully choose where you shall head next. And my journey is of the latter one.

I was grown up in a very independent house, where from a very young age I was taught freedom of speech, freedom of expression and freedom to choose. The complex part begins when you begin to understand where and when to use these freedoms and where your limitations begin.

9 months ago, I was given the opportunity to study and live abroad. I had an acceptance letter from a top-notch University in Southern Europe, a beautiful apartment to live and an older sibling who was living there with me. I landed in Europe 2 weeks before my 19^th birthday. Exploration of the cities, meeting new people, working and sorting out my residence in foreign offices – all this kept me busy as soon as I got there.

Life just started looking so much better within a month. I had learnt to cook, to clean the house, to do laundry, to shop for groceries, to live in a fixed monthly budget – all the important things that I had no idea of for the past 19 years. A couple of months passed by and classes were just about to begin at the university when my father called and said he was coming. My dad arrived and told me what was happening back home and that he suggests that it would be better if I come back home to Pakistan. At that moment, I fell numb. I did not know what to say to my father. He was the only person in my life who knew exactly why I did not want to live in Pakistan because I could not sit and see my parents going through a messy separation or heaven forbid a divorce. I had been tortured and tormented enough in the past many years of my life that I took a step to deal with it by moving to another country.

After moving abroad, for the very first time in my life I felt genuinely happy, I had the best sleep of my life in years. I took care of my body, my health and for once I started taking care of myself. I was the same responsible, disciplined child but I was stress free for the very first time. Hearing my dad’s statement was as if an electric bolt just went through my body. I had no answer for him. As much as I love/d my father, I also wanted a happy life for the both us because I alone knew and understood that he was going through a lot of stress too. So, after a couple of days, I spoke to him and asked him to stay back with me. I showed him how I have blossomed after years in just 3 months of taking care of myself and that he needs a change in life too. But my father did not agree. He simply wanted to know whether I was interested in going back or I am staying back. He also reassured me that the fighting has stopped and that my parents shall get back together very soon and they now wish the children to live with them. I could not believe that of course because I have heard this many times, but then again things go back to where they were before.

I saw myself standing at a point where I had to decide whether I choose my happiness or obey my father. As much as my dad’s proposal sounded like a total disaster, because both of us knew that none of us would be happy back at home; I understood that behind all this was hidden my father’s fear of being lonely. If I and my siblings were all living abroad, who would be there for the man who made me what I am today? As I thought about it for days, I felt stress building up inside of me and I knew exactly why. My dad on the other hand was calm and relaxed, he knew that he had given the proposal to the most obedient of his children and without a shadow of doubt, he was sure that I would get ready to go back home with him. And he was right.

One morning I woke up and walked to his room and told him that I wanted to go home on the initial return flight that I had booked when I left Pakistan three months ago. I spent the next few days emailing the Dean and Faculty of the university that I shall not be studying there anymore. I met all my friends and said my goodbyes.

I remember I boarded the plane all alone; I had no family and no friends by my side. As the security check stamped my exit, I had tears rolling down my cheek. For the first time in my life, I was not happy about the decision that I took. I was not happy about it all. Whatever I had planned about my future, it just started to fade away suddenly. My life took a whole new turn because coming back to Pakistan was not part of the plan, not in my books at least.

I can clearly remember that I was in depression for two whole months when I got back because absolutely nothing had changed at my home, everything was the same. It felt as if I had come back from a long summer holiday back to my same old life, which initiated the depressive thoughts. Slowly and gradually after two and a half months, I started coming back to my usual life routine and everything went back to exactly as it was when I had left Pakistan.

After this experience, what was important for me was that I understand this entire situation and that life takes turns and change takes place, sometimes even when we don’t want to. Even in the face of adversities, how do we deal with missed opportunities, the mistakes, the wrong decisions and regrets of the past; that is what I wanted to achieve once I stabilized myself. Believe me it is difficult, it’s not easy, but I promise it’s achievable.

We must strive to realize that if in our eyes, our past has been messed up; we still possess the power to change our future. We have all the ability to find happiness for ourselves even when circumstances around us are not favorable. It’s just sometimes our wishful thinking comes in between our ability to see the reality and we fail to see what’s actually happening.

Looking in the past always brings us a feeling of regret, pain and things we should’ve done to stop all the doors that closed behind us. We tend to think that if we had taken a specific road in our life, we would’ve been much happier than we are today. If only we would’ve taken certain decisions in a different way, our life’s journey would’ve been better or easier. We all have our stories and we all have our journeys. As much as our life’s journey wounds us, it has the power to heal us too and it makes us strong. Experiences in our life, no matter how harsh they are, they mould us and shape us to be better versions of ourselves. And it’s not just us; each and every person has a variety of good or bad experiences that makes them who they are.

Don’t look at other people’s journey and feel bad for yourself; others have their own journey full of their mistakes and choices that we cannot see. It’s important to know our life’s journey is as important as anyone else’s, because at the end of the day our experiences make us who we are. Therefore, every journey matters.

 

“Up the creek” by Rabia Nadir

To my despair, this world today is totally up the creek. We live in a world full of teenagers that are materialistic and arrogant adults. This state of melancholy has put one’s personality on stake. Today a lot of things are undermined. The world is a perfect nail painted hang-nail. Happiness gained from family time is an alien. Enjoyment in little things that matter is ancient. And patience is rare.

My life is a topsy turvy to an average teenager girl. As there is always a bright side to every dark tunnel. The tunnel of darkness made me the person that I am today. I was an average nail art, glittering sequins, popping highlighter lover. The ending of my childhood was abrupt and transmission to adulthood was exhilarating. Before warning.  It  was the day I lost the only parent that I had -my  angel, my mother.

Recently, I heard somebody say me: “Hey what’s up with you, why are you always so low?” And all I could give was a long exhale in response to the dumb state of the question. How can I be okay? When I have witnessed a series of misfortunate events. Events like pink elephants. Events I have been skirting around since ever. I had lost my mother when I was only eighteen years old. That to, to a very painful disease called cancer. She battled through the disease for seven whole years (that makes me eleven when it all started). Believe me you would want me to spare the details here.

Yes, my threshold of pain is quite high. While your aches are acnes, blemishes, not having the latest pair of trousers that are in fashion and even a silly breakup with your boyfriend, I have to deal with the harsh realities of life. Where you would be longing for parties today, I am fearing gatherings. Gatherings full of people that have forgotten the real purpose of this world. There are times when I am amidst a crowd full of people. People that are laughing their lungs out, while I stare at them blankly wondering how can they laugh so much. Because to me the realism of life is really not a joke.

After getting a reality check very early on in my life I realized that life is so much more than just these materialistic things. It is so much more than whining about trivial things. But it is rare for people to empathize. Nobody does until they step in your shoes. Empathy really is rare. I have come to the realization that one should not expect anything from anyone. The only one we should expect from is our Lord. I am so thankful to my God. He gave me the ability to channel my patience to all of this. The tough times navigated me to realizing what really matters. No brand, no beauty and no iPhone X matters. What matters is every breath we take to find our real purpose in life. What matters are racing pulses. What matters is mounting peaks on the C.R.O. The things we least care about.

I remember once I was exhausted and would not stop crying. But someone said me ‘you gave up already, while being the daughter of a fighting mother, so soon?’ That was when I decided that I needed to be strong and fight every fork in the way. To wipe my tear by my own sleeve. To be a mother to my two little brothers. What’s bigger than this? So what if I am just 19? I have a direct connection to the One in the Heavens. He is there. And I am directly dialing Him.

Talk to Him, and He shall award you with everything. What do you do when you need something? Talk to mum and ask her? And who is going to give it to mum? God. So why not just save us all a lot of time and directly talk to God. Because he is the awarder who loves you more than seventy mothers. Imagine seventy mothers. Ever since I realized this world is nothing but a mere illusion,  I can feel His love for me, every single day.

How to deal with regret

Regret is both a feeling and a pattern of thinking where one dwells on their past or perpetually replays an event and muses over their reactions or other actions that could have been performed by them. It is such an emotional state that haunts everyone throughout their lives if felt. Be it the regret of making a life-changing decision with unwelcoming consequences or hurting someone, or perhaps the regret of trusting a person repeatedly despite being mortified by them on numerous occasions, the mere realization of not being able to change your actions can be incredibly daunting. If you start rehashing your past, you might find yourself drenched in the memories of so many regretful instances because everyone goes through times when they are weary of making mistakes. That is the sole reason why we as human beings are not perfect.

When I take a look back at some of the most painful moments of my life, I find myself surrounded with immense regret and shame. I have made several decisions in the past that I am not very pleased with. Whether it was expecting too much from the wrong people or making various decisions that brought loads of criticism my way, 2016 was a  bumpy ride full of many pitfalls for me. I started to spend most of my time indulged in abhorring the course of my actions. So much so, it became what seemed beyond the bounds of possibility to bring myself to stop feeling that way. I am sure many of you suffer at the hands of this abominable emotion and struggle to deal with it just the way I did. Hence I’m determined to address this topic and help you in any way that I possibly can.

Different people have different ways that they espouse to deal with this lamentable state of mind.  Some spend the entire day locked up in their rooms, persistently replaying events in their head and letting themselves be consumed amidst self-loathing and on the other hand, some choose to conquer that regret and move on. The rewards of the latter outweigh the pain of giving into it, in my experience. From what sounds easier said than done, it is not inevitable if you try to think rationally. The first and the foremost step in order to get rid of this dreadful feeling of remorse is to identify and address your weaknesses. It is imperative to know and understand that you are not a perfect human being and it is highly likely that you will make mistakes in your life. Instead of questioning yourself recurrently to the point that it devours you, it is better to focus on what you can do differently to inhibit yourself from making the same mistakes again. For me, it was about going over the reasons behind thinking so irrationally thereby discovering my weaknesses and turning them into my strengths.

I know of so many people who linger over the belief of not being good enough because of a particular mistake they made at one point in their life. This belief is not only toxic for you but most of the times it becomes a source of problem for your loved ones as they helplessly watch you bare the brunt of it. You are not good enough as long as you believe that. Nothing will make you feel better until you stop thinking that way. Instead of letting this belief rule over you, view your mistakes as your teaching tools. If you did not make these mistakes, the lack of learning from them would prevent you from becoming a better person. Moreover, it will leave you feeling immensely weak. To be honest, I used to think I am strong enough to tackle anything that comes my way until I  encountered situations where I had to admit and accept my own mistakes. This just made me realize that the moment you recognize your weaknesses and turn them into your strengths, that is when you are strong beyond doubt. Owning up to your mistakes is not a piece of cake. Hence you need to believe adamantly that your mistakes most certainly do not define who you are. Fine, what has happened, has happened. Can you erase it? You cannot undo what has been done but you can always gain some learning from it and choose to edge forward in your lives.

I have also noticed that many around me are often regretful as a result of making a particular decision at some point in their life that they are currently not very happy with. The ‘’what ifs’’ constantly nag such people and consequently, they are unable to function properly in their daily lives. You need to understand that not all the decisions you make will have rewards. Some of them might entail consequences that go against your favor, but that does not mean that you constantly beat yourself up for it. Not everything will go down the exact path that you planned for yourself and that is all right. Instead of using it as a reminder of your incapabilities, view it as an opportunity for you to circumspect your decisions in the future and perhaps push yourself to keep your shoulder to the wheel. Your bedrock in life should be the things that are in your control rather than the things that are beyond it. You cannot control your future but you can most certainly try to think rationally and reflect upon the way out instead of being cemented in that situation forever.

Most importantly, we all need to be impartial towards people who have had a regretful past instead of invariably scrutinizing them. In our society, we tend to jump to quick judgments about someone who repents something from their past and as a result, we either ridicule such people or choose to stay away. This attitude is embodied with hypocrisy because no one leads a perfect life. Before pointing fingers at someone else, ask yourself; Are you perfect? If a person wants to move on from his mistakes, help him do that instead of emphasizing his flaws and mistakes every day. You never know what goes on in his heart so do not talk ill unless you are in his shoes.

That said, for all those who dwell in their past, harboring their feelings about some unpleasant event in their life, need to forgive themselves. It is a blessing for you to realize your mistake because many people do not. Instead of letting regret to take a toll on our lives, we should pray for things to get better. We all make mistakes, we all have some regrets in life, and we all struggle to deal with it. But your mind is so powerful; your thoughts actually do become your reality. All you have to do is believe that you are not your mistakes and you are here NOW with the power to shape your future and trust me that is when you will see great things happening to you. 

Our Responsibilities as Pakistani Citizens

 “Few individuals significantly alter the course of history. Fewer still modify the map of the world. Hardly anyone can be credited with creating a whole nation. Muhammad Ali Jinnah did all three.” – Stanley Walpert.

As far as I can remember, the 14th of august is a day unlike any other. It garners an enthusiasm amongst people unmatched by any nation by far. Such devotion to celebrating independence achieved nearly 70 years ago is admirable. The color green out shining every other color; a symbol of unity. Very commonly will you notice green painted on the faces of many, green clothes worn by an equally significant number. The highlight of the day is in fact the countless hours of devotion spent in decorating ones home with beautiful flags. It is a way of celebrating independence that we achieved credited to the tremendous efforts of Sir Muhammad Ali Jinnah. He wanted a Pakistan for our sake. But let’s take a minute to ask ourselves, is this really the Pakistan that he envisioned? Are we, as Pakistanis, worthy of what he along with many of his companions achieved for our sake?

The answer is mostly certainly no. I did not initially intend to write about this subject, until very recently I was fortunate enough to visit the other worldly Northern Areas this country has to offer. This forced me to voice my opinion on the matter.

I stood before a serene, gem-blue Lake surrounded by serrated mountains looming at a distance. It was said to have been preserved through the time period of Hazrat Suleiman. Admiring the beauty of such creation, my attention was quickly diverted towards a man spitting in the lake. That is when I stopped to observe, as my eyes opened to see the reality around me. What I saw was heart breaking. I witnessed people destroying such beautiful places, with their own hands out of sheer ignorance towards their responsibilities as citizens. With little to no regard of littering around them. These are the things you observe in the city very often, but in a place that is so beautiful? One can only imagine, how can someone so educated do something like this? What I observed next came as an even bigger shock to me. I saw the child of that man, throwing litter inside the lake. He did what he saw his father was doing, naturally.

The Problem with us is that we conveniently blame the government for whatever  goes on in our country. Yes, most certainly the government needs to own up to the problems but it does not end here. We as citizens of an independent nation have a duty towards our Home, our Pakistan. I know this may seem petty to many. But is littering in the hands of government too? I have seen many educated people doing it which is beyond me. But this ofcourse is just one among the many responsibilities that we hold as citizens of a country that was created with such hard work and devotion.

Another thing that we tend to lack is tolerance. Tolerance towards our very own people. You will see people ready to bash each other’s head at a traffic signal. You will observe people looking down at other people who have a different faith or religion or even a different sect. We need to realize that our current path is not leading us to be better Muslims ,as we tend to claim, but is instead leading us to diverge as a nation. But what do we do? We blame the government, easiest of all things, right? Most of you may think that one person cannot make a difference so why do our bit? But this ideology is absolutely absurd. We HAVE to start from somewhere. Even if we can’t make a huge difference, we can still do our part by standing up for what is right. It is all about changing our ideologies and doing our part even if no one else is. We don’t follow the rules here because we think no one abides by them so why should we? Ask yourself one question; Would we break the rules if we lived somewhere abroad? 

I have seen so many people, who criticize Pakistan, despite being a Pakistani. They quite literally hate living here, and spread a bad word of mouth by making it sound like a terrible place to live in which leaves me so perplexed. This “terrible place” is the reason why we walk freely today. Instead of talking bad about it, we need to work towards making it a better place. We need to sustain the efforts of all our leaders like Jinnah instead of letting them go in vain. I urge you to not talk ill about it, and realize your duties as citizens. The world will paint a picture of us based on what we show them. This is your home and it is absolutely beautiful. Treat it like it deserves to be treated.

So this 14th August, I hope we celebrate the true spirit of Independence with the commitment of a better tomorrow instead of just wearing green shirts and decorating our homes with flags. Be the change you want to see so we can bring back the Pakistan that Jinnah envisioned for us!

How to deal with criticism.

“Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots”

At any given stage of life, humans have to deal with criticism. It is the very medium that our society often tends to struggle with. It doesn’t matter where the criticism comes from, but rather how you perceive it. I, myself, have been and still am subject to relentless criticism. Facing such criticism is not just a challenge for me, but also for the countless others that fail to deal with it. As I found out the hard way, the mere realization of criticism and rejection being a part of life has helped me cope with this challenge to a great extent.

This blog post explores the ideas of criticism and the approach one should take when trying to deal with it, be it constructive or destructive.

Amongst other things, criticism incites anger, frustration and may even leave a lasting negative impact on you. It may leave you with the desire to immediately fight or fire back, but believe me when I say this,  this will just leave you with nothing but remorse and will do you no good in the end. For a person who already doubts himself, criticism can be disastrous because they will tend to indulge in relentless negative thinking which will further undermine their self esteem. It can feed into their insecurities about being unworthy or incompetent. But thinking or acting irrationally will just make  your situation worse instead of making it any better. 

Firstly, you need to realize and understand who the criticism is by. If it is by someone who has your best interest at heart, it can really be a blessing in disguise. Consider constructive criticism a gift because sometimes it is an unpleasant experience that is necessary for growth and learning. For most people, there is something inside them that triggers the defensive mechanism once their flaw is made apparent, no matter how little a flaw it is. Of course no one likes to be told that what they are doing is incorrect. Everyone wants to be appreciated for their work in all walks of life, but that obviously is not always possible. There are times when a lot of people criticize me for wanting to pursue my passion, clinical psychology, because they believe it has no scope in my country. Yes, it agitates me and there was a point when i got very defensive about it. However the realization that the very act of defending my self made me look inferior to others, helped me learn how to stay patient. I started to look at it this way: I have made a decision and so there are going to be people who support me and those who don’t. That’s just the way life is. If their reasoning is in my favor, I need to take it positively. If not, I won’t let go of my dream based on what they think. 

 Hence, one needs to comprehend such a situation in a positive light and needs to be open to constructive criticism, and use it to their own advantage. Remember, not many people care enough to bring betterment to your work. The very few that make an effort to do so deserve to stay in your life. Think of it this way, we all criticize other people so there is no logical reason as to why they can’t criticize us. Patience is the key here. 

Having said this, it all depends on how the other person is delivering the criticism. There will be a handful of people who would do it in a polite and decent manner. There is a significant number of people who will criticize you and bash you in the meanest way possible with the sole purpose of lowering your self esteem. It has happened to me countless times and so I have learnt that no matter how much you fight back, people like this do exist and are deemed to bring you down. I have been criticized on innumerable occasions by people who know absolutely nothing about me. There were even times when I seriously doubted myself and felt like i’m not good enough and I am sure a lot of people out there can relate and feel the same way sometimes just because of the constant unfair criticism they receive. In such a situation you need to again think rationally, no matter how difficult it may seem. If you are going to fight back, or let these people get to your head and bring you down, you are basically letting them win. Do not give them the satisfaction of letting their criticism affect you. Remember they are doing it to get a reaction out of you, so just don’t give them the satisfaction. If you ever doubt yourself because of the criticism that you are getting, you should be strong enough to not let people decide what your worth is. Not everyone will get to know the real you. People will talk and criticize you based on what they hear and what they think you are. So be it. Never forget, your happiness is the biggest revenge for people who wish to bring you down. 

If you all understand that criticism is a fact of life and is unavoidable, you will be at ease. So face it with grace, accept the constructive one and filter out the destructive one. And for those of you who spend most of their time criticizing others, be an encourager. The world has plenty of critics already. 🙂 

Loss of a loved one: How to cope with it

“Those we love and lose are always connected by heartstrings into infinity”

 

The loss of a loved one is an excruciatingly painful event that all of us experience at some point in life, sometimes on numerous occasions. The very unanticipated nature of such an occurrence leaves us completely shattered. My fate had already been sealed when all of my being was tested when I witnessed the loss of my father roughly a year and a half ago to cardiac arrest.

 I reminisce about the mere thought that manifested in my mind that particular morning,”What will we ever do without dad?” Little did I know, my dad would depart from this world the following morning leaving us behind. Over the course of the next few months, I was taught the answer to the very same question. I realized how strong I was, for I had to accustom to a series of extremely difficult actions; entering his room seeing him lifeless being one of them. I knew something wasn’t quite right. It was as if my life completely froze. I stood still staring at his face, watching my mother scream at him to wake up as if he were playing a joke like he usually would. I couldn’t bring my self to move or say anything. Shock had seized me.  I was rooted to the side of my door, on looking my little brother trying to calm my mother down. I was being selfish. All I could think of was the very thought that I had gotten moments before – “What will we ever do without dad?” Words stopped making sense to me. I stood there; overwhelmed by a gut wrenching realization of losing him. I knew I would never get to feel his warm hugs. I knew my entire life was about to change. He was gone forever, and all things soft and beautiful were buried with him.

Believe me, life hasn’t been easy from that point forward. People told me all the time (they still do) that time heals everything and that it will get better. And for some time I believed such a lie. Why do I call it a lie, because as time passed, I was continuously hit by reality. Nothing gets better and it shouldn’t be okay because I had lost my father. I just needed to learn to live with it. The process of learning to live with it has completely changed me as a person. It has made me a stronger and more realistic human being. I don’t live in a bubble of my own fantasies anymore. The death of a loved one does that. It pops that bubble and makes you realize that this is reality and it prepares you for the next loss.

What’s also true that whilst your life transforms, it does not necessarily have to be for the worse in the long term. Dealing effectively and positively with grief caused by such a loss is central to your recovery process and your ability to continue with and fulfill your own life for the better. You will all grieve in your own unique way. Those around you may be full of ideas as to how you are supposed to grieve and how not. You may hear advice like,”Be strong,” rather than be encouraged to allow your grief to run its natural course. Such advice is rather condescending as people who tend to give it usually have not been through such a phase in life. Hence for them, it is easier said than done. It is essential for you to be clear that this is YOUR grief, not theirs. You’ll grieve in no ones way but your own and that is absolutely okay. The first thing you need to do is accept the loss. Accept the fact that you will never see them, at least not in this life. Accept the fact that they are in a better place right now. Accept your grief. Allow yourself some time to vent out your emotions, be it anger or sorrow. That is absolutely normal and if someone tells you that this is a sign of weakness they are absolutely wrong. Crying only makes you stronger, so it is okay to cry. Accepting your grief is an extremely important step towards your recovery. After you’ve accepted your grief, you need to be able to come out of it too. Keep reminding yourself that you need to be strong for the people who you still have. The rest of your family members are still here and they need your support. The following passage might help you realize how important it is to stay strong. 

A tired bird was resting on the branch for support. It enjoyed the view from the branch and the safety it offered from dangerous animals. Just as it had become used to that branch and the safety that it offered, a strong wind started blowing and the branch started swaying back and forth, with such great intensity, that it seemed that it was going to break. But the bird was not worried because it knew two important things. One being that even without the branch, it was able to fly and protect itself. And second was that there are many branches upon which it can temporarily rest. This small example represents the ideal relationship between ourselves and our loved ones. It indicates that no matter how strong the storm is, you will always find your way out if you find things that you have to be grateful for.

Returning to school/office/work may be the hardest part. Don’t do it unless you are ready. Do not force yourself to do things that you do not want to do. Wait for yourself to be mentally ready and prepared, and when you are, walk in with the belief that you are stronger than ever. 

   How to help your friend cope with the grief

If someone close to you is experiencing grief, perhaps the loss of a loved one, the fear of making things worse may encourage you to do nothing. Yet you do not wish to appear to be uncaring. I know that it is extremely hard to know what exactly should you do in such a situation. Remember that it is better to try to do something than nothing at all. Perhaps maybe just a few calming words or just your presence. Do not attempt to stifle the emotions of a griever. Tears and anger are an important part of healing process so let them do it and be patient towards them. The most important thing is to simply listen. Grief is a very confusing process where expressions of logic are lost to the griever. So be patient and listen. Questions like,”How are you feeling?”, followed by a patient and attentive ear will seem like a major blessing to the griever. More importantly, do not talk to the griever like you know how they feel unless you have been through it. Do not tell them what to do or how to deal with it unless you’ve been in their shoes. Trust me, this could add up to their anger or sorrow. Be extremely considerate about their feelings and if you still have the relationship in your life that they have lost, do not talk about that in front of them. The last thing you want is for them to feel bad and envy the fact that you still have it. Things like this can bring tears to their eyes and make them feel worse. 

Remember, anyone including you can and will go through this loss at some point in life. And when you do, keep in mind that it is okay to grieve and feel the need to talk to someone to feel better. But our real strength does not lie between external ephemeral things, rather in our two internal wings of love and wisdom. These itself will pave your way out of this grief and when you do find this way, you will emerge out of it stronger than ever before. 🙂 

Key to success : Optimism

Someone wise once said : “A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. An optimist sees an opportunity in every difficulty.” 

I know, I know, easier said than done. It’s very easy to make fancy statements like this, and expect everyone to follow them. Especially in the world we live in today, where everything seems so complicated. Where everyone seems to remind us of our flaws all the time and where it is so difficult to find opportunities for ourselves. Trust me, I know and so would anyone living in the 21st centuary. 

Having said that, nothing is impossible. No matter how hard the situation seems, there is always a way to make it better for yourself. Always. People might make it hard for you instead of making it better. So why be dependant on them for your happiness? Why not look for ways to make  that horrific situation slightly better for yourself?  All your confusions, anger, sadness, worries have one simple solution : Optimism. It is a secret to a healthy lifestyle, yet an extremely difficult attitude to adopt. But I guess its worth a try because believe me, it is the first step down to making everything better for yourself.

Now the biggest question that may come to your mind is “How?” How can one be positive? Well it is all about how you look at a situation and what your perception of it is that shapes your behaviour. Positivity is imbued to the notion that no matter what happens, it is for the better. It is a choice that an individual makes by opting to look at the brighter side instead of dwelling in unforeseen negative events.

One such case including, but not limited to, is that of poverty. Poverty, in todays society, has striken many with the inability to feed themselves or work hard for their own benefit. You have those that have given up on life. These people are the embodiment of pessimism to their core. They look at life as a liability; a chore and a burden they have no intention of seeing through. Poverty is a construct that diminishes hope for those who witness it. It is something, that even with time, will never fade. Hence, rather than fighting it, people need to embrace it. And there are those who do. People like this embrace their fate and inspire ordinary people by working hard.  

Poverty however is a very broad example of this. A  much more relatable example for the younger lot would be that  of a student doing bad academically . Now the student has two ways of looking at the situation. He will either  give up thinking he is good for nothing. Or he can choose to think hey, I did bad this time but I will work harder the next time because I know i am better than this. I wont let this bring me down and this was a lesson for me.  In the first scenario, the same person may drop out of school, become careless as a consequence of which his parents might yell at him all the time. Such a person may endorse so much negativity! On the contrary, in the second scenario he might end up doing better eventually leading to positive consequences.

It is small things like this that shape up your whole behaviour and your whole life for the matter.  There are always two sides to a coin. Always. You can either choose to blame yourselves or your circumstances .Or you can adopt a positive attitude and look for ways to fight back. There is so much more in life to be grateful for then to let negativitiy of  anyone or anything  affect you. 

So be positive people, and remember Greatness always comes to those who don’t waver in their optimism.